This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to make out with him forever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
