we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
