So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
