if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
