Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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