the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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