She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
