the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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