hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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