why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
