Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
