but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
