I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
