On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
