Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
