Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
