Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
