I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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