Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
