i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
