I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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