Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
