i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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