Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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