ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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