sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
