We're like a lot better than the average bears
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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