Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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