So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
