you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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