it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
