Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she looked like the before picture.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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