i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
