ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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