Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
