Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
