you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Randomize
