Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
