Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
