I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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