tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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