yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
