oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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