I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
