is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
