and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
