so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
