STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
