i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
