I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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