Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
