yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
