You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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